Friday, 23 May 2014

Ispace Wars: Ladies' Academy - Magiseer Karisana

There is no end
And no beginning
We dare not voice
Our suffering

Harry Potter snuck through the corridors of Hogwarts muttering to himself about how HerMOANY Granger was insisting she needed his help because the House Elfs she helped were being scared by something which was all very well but Harry had better things to do like the date with Ginny he'd turned down to come and help HerMOANY.

It is not fair
How rough things are
We can't be happy
Not so far

Tuesday, 13 May 2014

Ispace Wars: Prologue - The Ladies' Academy

"… can't believe they're still using our name!"

"I, like, totally agree!" exclaimed Princess Silverlocks III. "I mean, are they even half as stunning as me? They're totally not Mary-Sues!"

Giritinuvielwen, headmistress of the Ladies' Academy for Mary-Sue Enrichment, frowned slightly. The problem with running a school for Mary-Sues, she reflected, is that if you do your job properly, they come out thicker than two short planks.

"They apparently think Mary-Sues are a bad thing," she pointed out to Silverlocks. "The so-called 'Redemptionist' Academy is dedicated to taking our Mary-Sues and undoing our hard work."

"That's just silly!" Silverlocks declared, tossing her golden tresses (she usually dyed them before working a story, to make them match her name). "Why would anyone want to take someone as, like, smart, beautiful, funny and perfect as me and change me back to how I used to be?"

Which was a mousy-haired fast food saleswoman named Stephanie, as Giritinuvielwen recalled. It was a good question, too – what was wrong with making girls into images of perfection and letting them live out their fantasies?

Tuesday, 6 May 2014

Ispace Wars: Prologue - Ispace

The door clicked closed as Liliac placed the tray of food on the small table. "And how are you today?" she asked conversationally.

Phoebe stared out of the window, but Liliac doubted she was even seeing the sweeping heights of the Misty Mountains, the tangled forest about their feet.

"Some of my operatives ran into agents of the PPC today," Liliac went on. "Apparently they'd both gone after the same elf-lusting Sue. And of course the Protectors attacked – what would you expect of people who call themselves Assassins?"

Nothing from Phoebe.

Liliac shrugged. "My girls drove them off and finished the Sue," she went on. "Shows the value of superior training – or, ha, any training. Of course, the Mary-Sue Academy has asked us not to kill them any more. They say they want to 'redeem' the Sues - and since we're not bloodthirsty maniacs, we'll actually do it, too."


Thursday, 1 May 2014

Ispace Wars: Prologue - PPC

Penny glared across the desk at the gigantic yellow sunflower in his pinstriped suit. “You’re not listening to me, sir,” she grated. “Ispace is a threat to-“

To a small group of fangirls, yes, you’ve stated this several times, the Sunflower Official, Head of the PPC’s Department of Mary-Sues, cut her off. Now, Agent- I beg your pardon, Assassin Smith, allow me to point out some facts you may not be aware of.

The PPC is not, in fact, some sort of multiverse police force. Our remit is badfic – no more, and certainly no less. Are you claiming that an Official Fanfiction University is badfic? Or this Ispace?

“No,” Penny ground out, “but they-“

I mean, can you imagine how Jurisfiction would react? Or the Fairytale Police Department? The canonical Trans-Dimensional Organisations are already half-convinced we’re a bunch of vigilantes out to poach their jobs.