Wednesday, 27 January 2016

News from the OFUs

On occasion, things happen which the various OFUs of the multiverse should know about.

Unfortunately, most of the OFUs to which they happen are not being actively written.

That means I get to write it for them, yes?

(The release of  The Battle of the Five Armies)

(The death of Sir Terry Pratchett)
(The release of The Shepherd's Crown)

(The release of Star Wars: The Force Awakens)

(The discovery of the Labyrinth Academy)
(The death of David Bowie & the announcement of a Labyrinth sequel)

News from the OFUs: SWFFA - News from SWFFA

This story contains minor spoilers for Star Wars: The Force Awakens.

Lord Haven tugged his hood up and stepped into the audience chamber. While the Star Wars Fan Fiction Academy was in session, this room was usually occupied by Threepio teaching linguistics, Anakin and Obi-Wan running yet another 'There Is No Passion, Nor Is There Slash' seminar, or Mon Mothma trying to explain the difference between background characters and unimportant ones.
But it was what the Admissions team insisted on calling the Holidays holidays. All the students had been sent home, the teachers were all drinking themselves stupid enough that they'd probably be singing Life Day songs before long, and Lord Haven was in a mad scramble to get his new staff members inducted.
He had hoped that putting them all together like this would lead them to form new bonds that transcended their canonical disagreements and encouraged a sense of unity and purpose. That… didn't seem to have happened.

News from the OFUs: OFUDisc - More News from OFUDisc

This story contains major spoilers for The Shepherd's Crown.

News from the OFUs: OFUDisc - News from OFUDisc

The Administrator of OFUDisc was chronically overworked. Oh, it wasn't as bad as the frantic days of the Ispace Wars and the establishment of OFU-Squared, and these days he had a couple of very able assistants to take some of the burden off his shoulders, but he was constitutionally incapable of delegating very much. At any time, day or night, it was a better-than-even bet that he would be found in his office, deep in the basement of OFUDisc's castle, scribbling away at one unavoidable sheet of paper or another.
In this case, it was yet another memo from Mr. Bentley, one of the OFU2 coordinators, asking why the latest video lecture had been delayed yet again. The Administrator chewed on the end of his pen (a habit he was still desperately trying to break himself of) and attempted to conjure up a reply other than 'because I forgot again'. He was almost relieved when there was a knock at the door. "Enter."
The door clattered open, and the scrawny figure of Stanley Howler - former 'pinhead', now Head of Stamps at the Ankh-Morpork Post Office - stumbled in. There was a suspicious flash of gold behind him as the door swung closed - the sort that might be made by a certain Postmaster General shoving his sacrificial lamb inside and running for it. The Administrator shook his head, a hint of a smile forming on his face, then focussed his attention on Stanley.

News from the OFUs: OFUM - A Change in the Stars

There are some sounds the entire staff of OFUM are attuned to: The outbreak of Round #5602 of Morgoth versus Sauron (with Smaug joining in for fun and profit, these days). Gandalf entering the kitchens. The onset of a Legoluster stampede.

This last broke through the peace of Gimli’s early-morning doze, shaking him to full alertfulness. Beside him, Lina was already up, pulling on her clothes with a wide-eyed expression. “I thought Thundera Tiger was doubling Legolas' mini quota until the movie aftermath subsided?”

“She did,” Gimli said, running a hand through his beard to tug out the worst of the knots while he reached for his armour. “She put Legolaz and Leholas on duty – you know how they are about fangirls.”

“Then where are they?” Lina asked, dragging a comb through her hair. “Why aren’t there more screams?”

Gimli cocked his head, listening. The stampede was more like a full-blown riot now, with none of the cracking whips that meant that mini-Balrogs were dealing with it. “Perhaps they’re still in bed?” he suggested. “Miss Cam scheduled his ‘Whose Tribe Is It Anyway?’ class early in the morning so the fangirls would still be half asleep, but if it backfired…”

“Hard to believe,” Lina disagreed. “There’s always minis about. Unless-“

Her speculation was cut off by a pounding on the door. Gimli settled his chainmail in place and tugged the heavy door open to reveal the furious face of Thranduil, king of Mirkwood.

News from the OFUs: The REAL OFUUnderground - Turn the World Upside-Down

Miss Kaye leapt up the stairs of the Goblin King's castle two at a time, scattering goblins and Firey Parts in her wake. She skidded on the stone flags, rebounded off a half-sized suit of armour, and stumbled to an undignified halt in front of the firmly-closed door.
Sarah looked up at the Course Coordinator's arrival, then turned back to her book. "Still no change."
"There will be," Miss Kaye promised. She squeezed past the stack of crates the girl was using as a seat and rapped on the door. "Your Highness?"
There was a rustling sound from inside the room, and then Jareth's voice sang back: "We passed upon the stair/We spoke of was and when."
Miss Kaye bit her lip. "Your Highness, it's been weeks. The Labyrinth needs you back."
Perched on her crates, Sarah looked dubious. "Sir Didymus is doing a fine job-"
"Although I wasn't there/He said I was his friend," came Jareth's reply. He seemed to have moved away from the door - probably, Miss Kaye thought, perched on his windowledge again.
"I'm sorry he died, too," she said. "We're all-" She glanced at Sarah, who was once again nose-down in her book. "No-one wanted him to be gone," she went for. "But this…" She decided against saying moping. "This won't bring him back."

Tuesday, 26 January 2016

News from the OFUs: The REAL OFUUnderground - News to OFUU

Miss Kaye lent heavily on her desk and glowered at the intruder. "You've found a what?"

Unfortunately, the intruder in question was named Sarah, and having fought her way through the Labyrinth to rescue her baby brother, was not particularly intimidated by a frizzy-haired girl who thought corset-print t-shirts were the height of fashion. "Another Labyrinth OFU," she repeated. "They call themselves the Labyrinth Academy."

"Hmph. They can't be much good," Miss Kaye sniffed. "They must have, what, a staff entirely made up of goblins and those weird pixie things that move floor tiles around?"

"Nope." Sarah paused, smiling slightly. "They've got the full staff. My... contact says their Goblin King gets stampeded regularly by fangirls and has a feud going with Hoggle."